Breast Cancer and My BFF

A couple of weeks ago my BFF shared with me that after ten years of remission she is facing breast cancer once again.  I remember the first time she told me, her voice shaking, filled with tears.  My heart became unbearably heavy when she said, “I can’t die.  My children need me.”  Her youngest was six years old at the time.  I searched for the right things to say, the language of compassion, the language of support.  To me, my voice sounded oddly robotic.  It felt hollow because I did not know what to say.  I wanted magic words that would make her cancer disappear, but I could never seem to conjure them up. 

“Got my results today, my cancer is back.”  Was the text I read two weeks ago.  I didn’t call right away because I couldn’t.  I suddenly felt as if the threads that held my world together were beginning to unravel.  I was afraid.  I mean this is my GIRL.  We laugh loud and long and hard together.  We are ummah and friend.  She understands me on a level no one else can.  She can’t have cancer.  I need her.  I need the song in her voice and the dance in her step.  I am comforted in knowing she is there.  I can’t imagine it being any other way.

After I read her text I sat in silence, numb, and then cried myself to sleep.  The next morning I breathed in deep and begged myself to not be a blubbering fool as I dialed her number.  Her voice was peace and resonated with an acceptance and calm that made me feel like everything was going to be okay.  Our conversation ended with promises to visit, hugs and kisses through the receiver, and my BFF off to continue the work she’s been doing for the past 9 years…. counseling, caring for, advocating for, providing resources for women with breast cancer. 

Despite her health concerns she continues to be a beacon of compassion, reaching out to the surrounding community to offer assistance and returning home to care for her own mother who is undergoing chemotherapy right now. 

My BFF has given me pause for thought.  During this National Breast Cancer Awareness Month I will be thinking about her strength and resolve.  I will be thinking of the look on her face when she told me, “I don’t have time to be sick.  My children still need me.  I have to take care of my parents, and I want to grow old with my husband.  I love him so much.”   

In the meantime, I will be supporting members of Sisters of the Desert Sun walking to raise awareness and money for research, and I will be mailing a copy of my recommendation for National Breast Cancer Awareness Month to my BFF, Art.Rage.Us: Art and Writing by Women with Breast Cancer Editors, The Breast Cancer Fund, The American Cancer Society, The Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation.  

Let us know if you've been inspired to read something in particular for National Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  Contact us via e-mail at sistersofthedesertsun@gmail.com and find us on Face Book and Twitter.  

-Kay

From the Publisher:

In a unique collaboration, The Breast Cancer Fund, the American Cancer Society, and the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation invited artists and writers across the nation who had faced breast cancer to submit their work.  The result is Art.Rage.Us., a riveting book of art, fiction, poetry, and prose, and a bold testimony to the courage of women who face the disease.  At turns stirring, humorous, heartrending, introspective, stark, and defiant, the pieces in Art.Rage.Us. have the power to comfort, provoke, and transform.  For each of the 75 artists, the impulse to transform her experience of breast cancer through creative expression was an integral part of the search for healing.  Together their work forms an inspiring statement about the healing power of art.